What is best in life? A shutout, my friends, a shutout.

The Phantoms, backstopped by AJ “No Soup For You” Brandt, won their second game of the season 3-0 over the Barbarians.

After a scoreless first period, Mike “Jersey? I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Jersey” Orzoff sped into the Barbarians zone and looped down low underneath the right circle. Drawing the defenders, Orzoff fed a beauty of a pass to Craig “Who Put the Tackle Me Sign on My Back?” Sonnenschein, who showed incredible patience with the puck, turning the goalie inside out before depositing the puck in the back of the net.

The next tally didn’t come until the third period, when defensive pair, Bill “Call of Duty” Heyse and Scott “Motormouth” Battle moved the puck out of the Phantoms zone and up to speedy center,  Ross “Water Boy” Gerbasi. Gerbasi broke in and doubled the lead. Sadly, Gerbasi waited until the third period to score, thus negating the evening’s free tostada offer and upsetting the spillover crowd from the preceding Hornets game.

Steve “Shoulder Pads” Stuart placated the near riot, however, a few minutes later. Attempting to set a new team record, Stuart scored a power play goal during a goalmouth scramble. Gerbasi assisted on the play, with a secondary assist potentially going to Frank “Seriously, I Was There” Archambault once we hear back from the war room in Toronto.

The entire Phantoms squad really pulled together for the win, with plenty of offensive pressure, smart defensive play, and about 80* poke checks courtesy of Jiri “Stretch Armstrong” Nosek, who was often jumping up into the offensive rush.

The Phantoms will be taking on the Tigers this coming Sunday in their quest to get back above .500 for the season. Tickets are still available.

*Approximate total due to this writer’s incredible math skills.